Interesting mushroom names

In the last couple of weeks, we have had no internet, which means I have spent most of my time reading books and wandering around the new house. In my wandering, I found “The Audubon Society Field guide to North American Mushrooms”. I’m proud to say I can identify Russian mushrooms, at least – I grew up with regular mushroom hunts and can pick some for dinner without poisoning myself. American mushrooms, though – not so much.

The names of the mushrooms range from plain and descriptive (“Firm Russula”), to something that sounds like a disease (“Shingled Trich”, “Blue-Toothed Entoloma”), to just plain odd (“Big Laughing Gym”). In my boredom, I actually categorized and compiled several lists of the more interesting and odd names, which you can now read and enjoy. So, here we go:

The food-related names:

Alcohol Inky

Peppery milky

Sweetbread mushroom

Poison Pie (yum!)

Fried Chicken Mushroom (apparently it does taste like it)

Chocolate Milky

Chicken-fat Suillus

Apricot Jelly

Carnival Candy Slime

Witch’s Butter

Rooting Cauliflower mushroom

Animal-related names:

Salmon Unicorn Entoloma

Imperial Cat

Leaflike Oyster

Pig’s Ear Gomphus

Goat’s Foot

Yellow Rabbit Ears

Wolf’s Milk Slime

Stinky Squid

Lizard’s Claw

Parrot Mushroom

Panther

Fairy Tale and Folklore related names:

Witch’s Hat

Stuntz’s Blue Legs (assuming Stuntz was some folkloric person that I don’t know about)

Prince

Gypsy

Jack O’Lantern

Slippery Jill; Slippery Jack (Two different mushrooms, but I imagine them to be sort of the Bonnie and Clyde of the mushroom kingdom)

Old Man of the Woods

Angel’s Wings

Yellow Fairy Cups

Devil’s Urn

Elf cup

Pyxie Cup (yes, it was spelled like that)

Swamp Beacon

Velvety Fairy Fan

Dryad’s Saddle

Various Objects:

Fuzzy foot

Sulfur tuft

Yellow Oyster mop

Common Fiber Vase

Black Trumpet

Hemlock Varnish Shelf

Artist’s Conk

Indian Paint Fungus (apparently it was used to make war paint)

Hairy Parchment

Red Tree Brain

Velvet Blue Spread

Bladder cup (oh dear)

Tree-ear

Barometer Earthstar

Carbon balls

Wrinkled Thimble Cap

Yellow Tuning Fork

Shaggy Parasol (the best kind, really – that’s why Robinson Crusoe had one)

White Dunce Cap

Personification in some shape or form:

Dung-loving Psilocybe

Bleeding Mycena

Blushing Fiberhead

Sweating Mushroom

Pinecone Tooth

Bearded Tooth (aww…)

Many Headed Slime (sounds evil)

Brown-toothed crust (and disgusting)

Velvety Earth Tongue

Elegant Stinkhorn

Blue-toothed Entoloma

Morbid-sounding names:

Deadly Lawn Galerina

Death cap

Destroying Angel

Strangulated Amanita (probably killed by the Destroying Angel)

Poison Pie (again)

Lead Poisoner

Corpse Finder (according to the mushroom guide’s comments, the name is well deserved – it helped bring a murder to light and also grew on a buried box full of dead baby remains)

Dead Man’s Fingers

Others:

Tawny Grisette

Abruptly-bulbous Agaricus

Big Laughing Gym

Blewit

Pigskin Poison Puffball

Rambling

Today I spent the entire day helping C.'s mom set up for the yard sale. I got a whole boxful of stuff out of it, and some nice free furniture... S. wanted to come over afterwards, but we were tired and very sweaty, and for me, just the time that I spent with her while going to the library and to get something to eat was quite enough. Not because I don't like her -- I do -- but she is a somewhat spoiled little kid and I also have no idea what to talk to her about. I did gloat inside, however, when she liked my vegetable-y sandwich despite C.'s insistence that she "doesn't like healthy things, because healthy things are gross".
I don't understand why so many Americans seem to hold this point of view. Some time ago I saw a commercial -- something about tricking your kids into liking healthy food. But when I was little -- and even now -- I don't sort out what food I like by "healthy" and "unhealthy" -- I just eat what I like and also what my body feels like eating (there is a slight difference between the two, though if you pay attention enough, it mostly disappears). If I feel like eating a salad, it's not because I'm worried about my weight, it's because I fucking like it, and if I am eating a huge piece of cake -- it is also because I like it! And no, I don't feel "sinful" or guilty for eating something that contains fat. Amazingly enough, I do not consider fat to be the Devil himself.
Generally, I think my PTSD is rearing its ugly head again, and there are so many things people don't even think has to do with PTSD that often does, when you have it -- skin picking (it looks like my upper arms have been attacked by ants, but it's hard to stop), disliking certain liquids or foods, feeling like you are going between worlds... yesterday I think I almost cried because my mind became lost back in Russia, where my grandparents disapprove of my every move, where they want to know what I plan to do, and in relation to which I have no fucking IDEA as far as what to do. Whether I will move there, and how, and the house, and if I move there how will I blend in, and how will I get a job (?????), and how everyone in Moscow acts like they hate you, and how would I deal with the racism, the misogyny, the complete absence of feminism, the homophobia... I wish I could just live there without all of that -- I wish I could blend in the dacha, the apartment in Moscow, the forest and the Russian winter and watching on old Russian movies on New Years, with having a wonderful, feminist, supportive family (not necessarily in the blood lines sense, but just a community of some sort -- all of my best friends and favourite people), and having some sort of recognition as an artist. And then after I think about all these things, I feel alone -- none of my friends, in real life or online, are having to choose which country to live in, are having to choose basically their fate and much of the rest of their lives without knowing the outcome... none of them are making a major decision of this kind that either cut them off from everybody and make them bitter, or leave them without a home to go to. Then I feel guilty, because of course they are having their own problems that may be just as bad, just different... ugh. I don't know.

Da Ling and Siao Ling - Chapter 1 - Danger Awaits at Every Step

(This is a Chinese book by Chjan Tanji -- if I'm writing his name right -- that I'm translating from my Russian edition of it. As far as I know, it's never been published in English. It is a political satire from the early 1900's. My translation may not always be the best, because sometimes I confuse Russian and English expressions in my head, sorry for that.)

In one village lived a poor peasant with his wife. They were both so old that they couldn't even remember how old they were. They spent their whole life without children so when two boys were born at once, the old couple was endlessly happy.

"Now we have children, too!" the peasant rejoiced, "I didn't think I'd live to experience such happiness."

His wife was glad as well.

"We should give our sons good names," she said, not taking her delighted gaze off the infants.

So what should the childrens' names be?

The old man thought and thought, but couldn't think of anything. So he asked a school teacher for a dictionary with tons and tons of words. It would surely provide a good name!

One, two, three!.. He opened the dictionary at random, his gaze fell upon the word "tsai," which means "food". No, that's not a name for a boy -- Food. How would he call them, if need be? "Hey, Food, come here"? People would laugh at him if he called his children such silly names! "Look what the old man's thinking," they'll say, "Wants some lunch, apetizers and sauces like in a restaurant!" Nah, a name like that isn't right for our kind of folk.

And the old man opened the dictionary again. This time he stuck his finger on a line with the word "fei," which means, "fat". As if the first one wasn't bad enough! Never will his sons be fat, they aren't of that kind. And thank god!

For a long time the old man flipped through the dictionary, but the right word never showed up. A whole night he spent with his finger running along the lines of the fat book, got tired, even. And when it started becoming lighter, he took his shovel and went off into the field. Distressed, he was walking along the road, when suddenly he saw a forest, pierced through with the first rays of sunlight.

"There's a name!" said the old man happily, "A prettier name couldn't be thought of!"

And that was what he chose: the firstborn he named Da Ling -- Ling the Elder, and the second -- Siao Ling -- Ling the Younger, because the word "ling" means "forest".

Ten years passed. The old peasant man and his wife were preparing to die. Before their death, they called upon Ling the Elder and Ling the Younger and said:

"We don't have anything left, children. You'll have to earn your bread somewhere else. When we die, take us to the field beyond the village and leave us there: the ravens will take care of our burial. As for you, take everything that you may need and go search for happiness."

The mother and father didn't live for very long after that. Following their parents' will, Ling the Elder and Ling the Younger brought them to the field and lay them on the ground. And immediately a flock of ravens flew down from a tree, flapping their wings loudly. Each raven brought a bit of earth in its beak; and soon a burial hill stood tall at the place where the dead bodies lay. 

"Gege*," said Ling the Younger, "let's go quickly. It's better to leave as early as possible, right?"

At the house one of them put a knapsack of rice over his shoulder, the other put their simple few clothes and two clay bowls in a bag, and they said goodbye to their home.

"Where will we go?" asked Ling the Elder.

Only now did the brothers understand how dire all this was. Who will care for them, but their father and mother? They sat down on the road and started crying bitterly.

Around them were fields, forests, mountains. But it all belonged to other people. Where will they find shelter? Where will they go?..

The night was coming. The sun hid behind a mountain and a cresent moon rose. Along with him the stars came out and stayed their shining gaze on the travelers.

Ling the Elder and Ling the Younger cried for so long and sorrowfully that they woke up the sun. It dove out in the East, smiling at them luminously, obviously wondering how could someone cry in such a morning.

Ling the Younger wiped his eyes.

"Are you still crying, gege?" he asked his brother, "Maybe it's enough?"

"I guess it is! Let's go."

But where to go? Of course to wherever their eyes led them. But what if there are so many roads in the world that your eyes can't pick just one? Then it's even simpler -- you walk at random. They walked and walked until their rice ended.

"It's all gone!" said Ling the Elder. "What are we going to do now?"

"I guess we'll rest, and then think of something. Alright?"

The older brother agreed, and they sat in the shadow of a big black hill.

Ling the Elder looked again into the empty knapsack and sighed:

"I wish I were rich! Rich people can do anything -- eat as much as they want, dress in all new clothes, not do anything at all..."

"Really?" Ling the Younger asked in surprise, "Father said that a person must do something."

"That's because he was poor. And a rich person -- why would he need to work? I remember something else: it's all good, father used to say, for those who have their own land."

"Father and mother died in poverty, it's true, but they were good people. And rich people -- well, they're lazy!"

"But they live happily!" argued Ling the Elder, "And what happiness do peasants have? All you do is work, wo..."

But he didn't have the time to finish. There suddenly was a thunderous noise, as if the sky had cracked.

"WO?.. WO -- WHAT? I'M GOING TO TEAR YOU UP AND EAT YOU!"

Ling the Elder and Ling the Younger jumped. The empty knapsack started trembling with fear as well.

Who is yelling? There's not a soul around!

Shaking in terror, Ling the Elder and Ling the Younger grabbed on to one another.

"Did you hear that?" said Ling the Elder, teeth chattering, "Who is that?"

"I don't know."

And then they realized that the black hill at the bottom of which they were standing suddenly moved and started rising as they watched.

"Earthquake! Let's run, quickly!" cried Ling the Younger.

But it was too late to run: the hill rose rapidly and stood like a wall in their way.

Alas, it was not a hill at all, but some bizzarre monster! Humanlike, but not human, animal-like, but not an animal.

And they had sat on it, rested on this Monster, thinking it to be an ordinary hill. Now i t stood in front of them, standing up to its full height. Its eyes, huge like two metal gongs, burned with green fire. Long, grass-covered hands stretched towards Ling the Elder and Ling the Younger, ready to grab them and tear them apart.

That's it, now this Monster will eat them! It will eat them in one gulp!

"We might as well let him eat us!" thought Ling the Elder, "our father and mother are gone, the rice is all eaten, no land, no money... then let the damned Monster eat us!"

But Ling the Younger decided to not give up. It would be pointless to run, of course, he had understood that immediately. The Monster only needs to stretch out his arm, and it could grab you, even if you manage to run a thousand steps away.

The Monster licked its lips at the thought of a good meal and stared at Ling the Elder and Ling the Younger with its huge green eyes.

"Going to try to eat us?" yelled Ling the Younger, trembling from indignation.

"I GUESS I COULD NOT," smirked the Monster, "ON ONE CONDITION: IF YOU PAY ME TRIBUTE - LOTS AND LOTS OF PEARLS."

"Pearls? What's that?"

"HA-HA-HA! YOU DON'T KNOW?.. TOO BAD FOR YOU! THEN GET READY..."

"Run!" whispered Ling the Younger to Ling the Elder.
"He'll catch us anyway."
"Not if we run in different directions, he won't."

One!.. Two!.. Three!.. Ling the Elder started running towards the east, Ling the Younger -- west.

The Monster became confused. At first it went after Ling the Elder, then Ling the Younger, and was left with nothing.

The brothers ran away without taking their sack of belongings. The Monster was starting to get hungry. Annoyed at its bad luck, it grabbed the bag and stuck it into its jaws. But what's edible about a bag! Bad-tasting, overwashed, it got stuck in an aching tooth. Angry, the Monster grabbed a pine tree out of the ground and started picking its teeth with it.

"WELL, TIME TO GO TO BED!" sighed the Monster, finally having spit out the remains of the disgusting bag.

Again the cresent moon rose, thin as a woman's brow.

The Monster stretched, but accidentally caught its hand on the edge of the cresent moon and stratched it up to blood.

"UGH!" it spat angrily, "THIS WHOLE DAY HAS BEEN UNLUCKY! REALLY UNLUCKY!..."

*Gege -- big brother